Things to be revised. Indexes are attached below in the images. 1.1 Thesis shou

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Things to be revised.
Indexes are attached below in the images.
1.1
Thesis should be a little more pointed, it is a bit vague, and not much to argue about. Technology does this for all
musicians. What is different about K-pop’s relationship with tech? You could add “technology has impacted K-pop’s
growth more drastically than other genre’s, boosted by the pandemic” or something in that vein.
1.2
subheadings are not used in MLA format.
1.3
introduce your source before you cite them
2.1
introduce source
3.1
moves from bilingual to purchasing platforms rather quickly, how are these related?
3.2
interesting development to your argument, could be reflected in your thesis.
4.1
gets a little repetitive.
4.2
what does this highlighted part mean?
6.1
I would move this paragraph up closer to the intro, as it provides relevant background information that informs your
thesis and all of your body paragraphs
7.1
make this a little more specific.
I think a little reorganization would help your essay, especially by cutting down on some of the repetitive parts of the argument. I would also focus your thesis specifically on BTS I think. Also, incorporating more analysis of song lyrics or music videos will help to show your reader what you are getting at, not just telling them.
Some recommendations. Make sure you are in double spacing. You need to introduce your sources with a signal phrase before you cite them, and to explain why the source is important.